Tool Kit for Families Living with Chronic Medical Illness Before Chronic Illness moved into your world, how did you and your family deal with crisis? Typically one member goes into Fix-It-Mode, and others take roles that feel most comfortable to them. The ideal, yet least common approach to problems is honest problem solving that includes talking about emotions and feelings. Families that have worked through the more difficult aspects of having an ill member may invite the help of a trained professional such as a psychotherapist, pastoral counselor, priest or rabbi. Other families schedule regular family meetings to help "clear the air" and make sure that there are as few misunderstandings as possible. The more coping techniques the better. There are several common areas that are challenges for families with chronic illness: Comfort, trust, and respect are basic ingredients that strengthen connections. Other relationship issues that must be negotiated are: dealing with emotions: denial, depression and disappointments; planning, preparation, concerns and fears about the future; teamwork, fighting for your rights, dealing with doctors and medical systems; care and support for care-partner, sharing of information about the illness when "protecting" the ill person and others; what amounts of information are most helpful and when; and reducing the burden on the children and family members. At the core of any strong relationship is good communication.
If you can work out disagreements about where to eat when you go out, you are likely to have fewer problems talking about more difficult topics, such as changes in levels of independence. Being able to talk openly about loss, changes in what each of you are able to do, are all skills. These are skills that most people never learned. Knowing how to discuss and make your needs known can make it easier to cope with the ups and downs of chronic illness. These same tools will enrich other aspects of your relationships. What is most important in your relationships and life in general? How you cope as a family depends on many
factors During times of crisis or exacerbations, your focus may be on survival. This is normal. Nevertheless, it is important to find ways to inject comfort and joy, even in small doses. These are times when each Team Member needs an extra dose of compassion, for everyone, especially themselves. The challenge is to balance the arts of Patience, Creativity and Flexibility. In short,
making room for support from others is a gift that helps everyone. One of
the many gifts that illness foundations such as the Arthritis Foundation,
Diabetes Foundation, Cystic Fibrosis Research Inc., Aplasic Anemia and MDS
Foundation, Inc. and the Lyme Disease Association, offer their members is
the variety of ways they connect members to each other throughout the year.
The richness of the support I have seen with members of these organizations
is one of the greatest gifts I have witnessed. About the Author This article is based on sections of her forthcoming self-help book.
© Copyright 2001-2008 Ann Steiner,
Ph.D. All rights reserved. Last Updated: August 5, 2008
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relationship?
When was the last time you spent time doing something just for relaxation
or pleasure? If your answer is: "Too
long ago!" talk
with your family or close friends about scheduling a short get-away within
the next month. Or at least schedule a time to do something outside of your
normal routine that you can enjoy, like going out to see a movie or making
a picnic in the living room.